Post No. 074: Absolutely Positive, Part 3 — To Finally Be Free

(Image from muslimmatters.org)

To Finally Be Free

I am on the precipice,
looking over its edge,
and ready to step off!

I have come to this place
by choice: I have run until
there was no more ground;

I have hidden until there
was no more cover; I have
denied until I faced death.

This is a good place to be
after such a long journey!
It is good to just stand still.

It is good to not be numb.
It is good to be uncomfortable.
It is good to know I can heal.

Although, I wish I didn’t have to:
I would rather already be there;
I just want this to be over!

But the only way past this
is to go through it; the only way to
get out of this is to go all the way in.

And I know that I will get there—
eventually—and that my journey
will truly begin once I do.

It’s just hard knowing how much
it may hurt—and even harder not
knowing how much it will hurt.

Still I am here, looking down,
just wondering what it will be like
to finally be free of this pain.

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., A Creative Writer)
"I maybe say too much about how life really is!"

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My Writing Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: I tested HIV-positive in November of 2000! And I really felt like a failure, because "I was going to get AIDS and die like all of the other fags." So, I wrote this poem as a way to try and make myself feel better by seeing this "life challenge" as an opportunity to heal!

And this poem was also published on my "Three Dark Horses" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog) as part of my new "The Oneness Of God" spiritual practice, since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message I am trying to convey through "The Oneness Of God!"

Plus, this poem was formerly published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog but, unfortunately, I accidentally deleted this poem on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog while I was doing some editing on that blog.

So, this new "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blog has been an opportunity to recreate the "Absolutely Positive, Part 3 — To Finally Be Free" post as it was originally published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog.

This poem was written in Portland, Oregon.

-Paulee

https://threedarkhorses.blogspot.com

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This "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" Post No. 074 was edited on April 20th, 2026.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]

Post No. 073: Absolutely Positive, Part 2 — Over My Dead Body

(Image from The Huffington Post)

Over My Dead Body

I’ve seen what is coming
and it terrifies me! Although,
what I fear is not my death:

It is not doing what
I came here to do—of
not being who I am.

So, I do not need a boyfriend!
I can live without romance, if
that is what I am calling forth.

What I cannot live with
is the realization of being
more, but becoming less.

Instead, I choose to call forth
All That I Am, to be everything
of which I am capable.

Do you hear me, God?
I will not die in a hospital, as
just another fucking statistic.

I will die in a forest,
or in a desert, or in a jungle,
or—better yet—on a cross.

For, I had no idea I was pushing the
experience of being a Master away
from myself. I mean, holy shit!

So, I am totally changing course.
I am doing a complete 'one-eighty'
and I am going into My God Space.

For, I will bring this new path into being.
And the only way that I will ever
give up is over my dead body!

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., A Creative Writer)
"I maybe say too much about how life really is!"

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My Writing Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: I tested HIV-positive in November of 2000! And I really felt like a failure, because "I was going to get AIDS and die like all of the other fags." So, I wrote this poem as a way to try and make myself feel better by seeing this "life challenge" as an opportunity to heal!

By the way, there used to be an "Absolutely Positive, Part 3 — To Finally Be Free," which was formerly published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog but, unfortunately, I accidentally deleted that poem while I was doing some editing on that blog!

However, that "To Finally Be Free" poem was also published on my "Three Dark Horses" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog) as part of my new "The Oneness Of God" spiritual practice, since I feel that the message in that poem applies to the message I am trying to convey through "The Oneness Of God!"

Besides that, I republished the "Absolutely Positive, Part 3 — To Finally Be Free" post on my new "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog) as it was originally published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog.

Just so you know, I revised this poem, as I often do with my writing! And I changed how this poem was written when I was editing it on my "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" and "Small All White in the Forest" blogs. So, I wanted to show you how this poem used to be written, before I revised it as above.

And it used to be written like this:

Over My Dead Body

I’ve seen what is coming
and it terrifies me! Although,
what I fear is not my death:

It is not doing what
I came here to do—of
not being who I am.

So, I do not need a boyfriend!
I can live without romance, if
that is what I am calling forth.

What I cannot live with
is the realization of being
more, but becoming less.

Instead, I choose to call forth
All That I Am, to be everything
of which I am capable.

Do you hear me, God?
I will not die in a hospital, as
just another fucking statistic.

I will die in a forest,
or in a desert, or in a jungle,
or—better yet—on a cross.

For, I had no idea I was pushing the
experience of being a Master away
from myself. I mean, holy shit!

So, I am totally changing course.
I am doing a complete 'one-eighty'
and I am going into My God Space.

For, I will bring this new path into being.
And the only way that I will ever
give up is over my dead body!

Thus, I revised this poem to be written as it is above.

And this poem was also published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message that I am trying to convey through "Small All White in the Forest."

This poem was written in Portland, Oregon.

-Paulee

https://threedarkhorses.blogspot.com

https://smallallwhiteintheforest.blogspot.com

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This "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" Post No. 073 was edited on April 20th, 2026.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]

Post No. 072: Absolutely Positive, Part 1 — (HIV) Positive

(Image from Kinsey Confidential)

Positive

That I may savor life,
let me taste of death.

So I can find the heart,
let me experience depth.

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., A Creative Writer)
"I maybe say too much about how life really is!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------

My Writing Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: I tested HIV-positive in November of 2000! And I really felt like a failure, because "I was going to get AIDS and die like all of the other fags." So, I wrote this poem as a way to try and make myself feel better by seeing this "life challenge" as an opportunity to heal!

By the way, there used to be an "Absolutely Positive, Part 3 — To Finally Be Free," which was formerly published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog but, unfortunately, I accidentally deleted that poem while I was doing some editing on that blog!

However, that "To Finally Be Free" poem was also published on my "Three Dark Horses" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog) as part of my new "The Oneness Of God" spiritual practice, since I feel that the message in that poem applies to the message I am trying to convey through "The Oneness Of God!"

Besides that, I republished the "Absolutely Positive, Part 3 — To Finally Be Free" post on my new "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog) as it was originally published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog.

Just so you know, I revised this poem, as I often do with my writing! And I changed how this poem was written when I was editing it on my "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" and "Small All White in the Forest" blogs. So, I wanted to show you how this poem used to be written, before I revised it as above.

And it used to be written like this:

Positive

That I may savor life,
let me taste of death.

So I can find the heart,
let me experience breadth.

Thus, I revised this poem to be written as it is above.

Plus, one more clarification: The last line of this poem was originally "grant me loss of breath." However, after George Floyd's murder, I decided to change the last line to "let me experience breadth."

And this poem was also published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message that I am trying to convey through "Small All White in the Forest."

This poem was written in Portland, Oregon.

-Paulee

https://threedarkhorses.blogspot.com

https://smallallwhiteintheforest.blogspot.com

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This "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" Post No. 072 was edited on April 20th, 2026.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]

Post No. 070: For Japheth, Part 1 — Soul Brother!

(Image from Shutterstock)

Soul Brother!

Be still, my brother,
And know that I love you.

Be still and know
You truly are my brother.

Be still and know
We will always be together.

Be still and know
That death cannot separate us.

Be still and know
I will always come for you.

Be still and know
That's how we found each other.

Be still and know
My heart lays open for you.

Be still and know
What my love for you holds.

Be still and know
We are a part of each other.

Be still and know
I am Earth and you are Fire.

Be still and know
Why I call you Soul Brother.

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., A Creative Writer)
"I maybe say too much about how life really is!"

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My Writing Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: Being the "Neo Hippy" that I am, I was trying to find a communal-style living situation, where I could live as sustainably as possible and also be the naturist that I am!

And the summer of 2000, and part of the autumn, I worked at Breitenbush Hot Springs, which is a bathing-area clothing-optional resort and convention center in Detroit, Oregon. And that is where I met Japheth (pronounced "jay-peth"), who is like My Soul Brother.

And I wrote this poem as a way to console "Jay" (which is his nickname), after I told him that I was HIV-positive!

You see, we were living in separate households when I told him that I was "positive," which was around November of 2000; however, later on, I lived with Jay, as a roommate, in the house that he and his boyfriend, Sean, bought in Portland.

By the way, I also did a rewrite of this poem that I wrote as a symbolic reference to the Chakras—or the Energy Centers of the Human Body—which is titled, "'Soul Children, My Children.'" (Please see "Soul Brother-Style Poem" in labels for the poem.)

And this poem was also published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message that I am trying to convey through "Small All White in the Forest."

This poem was written in Portland, Oregon.

-Paulee

https://smallallwhiteintheforest.blogspot.com

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This "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" Post No. 070 was edited on April 20th, 2026.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]

Post No. 062: For The Creator, Part 5 — And Found God

(Image from ForWallpaper.com)

And Found God

I came to the edge of understanding
and found God patiently waiting.

I looked upon the face of death
and found God calmly breathing.

I gave up my hopes and dreams
and found God secretly believing.

I basked in anger and resentment
and found God totally forgiving.

I wallowed in the depths of sadness
and found God quietly reflecting.

I embraced the pomp of certainty
and found God playfully laughing.

I feared that no one would love me
and found God disarmingly adoring.

I came to a new understanding
and found God joyously celebrating.

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., A Creative Writer)
"I maybe say too much about how life really is!"

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My Writing About How God Mirrors Whatever We Believe To Be True: I think that God is a quantum computer, because God's Consciousness is the entire Universe! And I also think that you and I are individual projections of God's Consciousness—as individual manifestations of God—and that we are all Gods and/or Goddesses of our own creations! Therefore, God acts just like a "Karmic Mirror," if you will, reflecting what each one of us believes to be true about ourselves, and each other, in relationship to God's Universe. Thus, God simply reflects whatever you and I believe to be true—no matter what we believe—because God is simply mirroring us, being an exact reflection of God, as individual manifestations of God. –Paul Whiting (written August 5th, 2011, revised March 20th, 2015, revised July 29th, 2021, revised March 21st, 2022, revised July 24th, 2022 and revised January 31st, 2023)

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My Writing Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: After moving to Portland, Oregon in August of 1999 from Salt Lake City, Utah, where I was born, I returned back to Utah for about two years from January of 2007 to April of 2009, while I was trying to save money, by living with my father, as I tried to pay off my credit card debt.

Then, a few months after returning to Salt Lake City, I became really sick and I was hospitalized about a dozen times over several months due to multiple infections. Plus, I went from being simply HIV-positive to having full-blown AIDS, which is also when I stopped being able to work. Also, I eventually had to declare bankruptcy, and I applied to receive Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI), since I could no longer work. And I almost died a few times due to the various opportunistic infections. But it was the last time that I almost died—and I faced my fear of not being able to take care of myself—which inspired this poem! Plus, this is when I first started taking HIV medications, which I have been taking ever since, and that has really helped to maintain my good health.

And this poem was also published on my "Three Dark Horses" and "Small All White in the Forest" blogs (please see the hyperlinks below for the blogs), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message I am trying to convey through "Three Dark Horses" and "Small All White in the Forest." Plus, I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message I am trying to convey through my new "The Oneness Of God" spiritual practice!

This poem was written in Salt Lake City, Utah.

However, I may be remembering that incorrectly, because this poem may have been written in Portland, Oregon after I moved there for the second time in 2009; but, I think that this was the only poem that I wrote while I was still in Salt Lake City, Utah when I returned to try and pay off my credit card debt.

-Paulee

https://threedarkhorses.blogspot.com

https://smallallwhiteintheforest.blogspot.com

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This "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" Post No. 062 was edited on April 26th, 2026.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]