Post No. 074: Absolutely Positive, Part 3 — To Finally Be Free

(Image from muslimmatters.org)

To Finally Be Free

I am on the precipice,
looking over its edge,
and ready to step off!

I have come to this place
by choice: I have run until
there was no more ground;

I have hidden until there
was no more cover; I have
denied until I faced death.

This is a good place to be
after such a long journey!
It is good to just stand still.

It is good to not be numb.
It is good to be uncomfortable.
It is good to know I can heal.

Although, I wish I didn’t have to:
I would rather already be there;
I just want this to be over!

But the only way past this
is to go through it; the only way to
get out of this is to go all the way in.

And I know that I will get there—
eventually—and that my journey
will truly begin once I do.

It’s just hard knowing how much
it may hurt—and even harder not
knowing how much it will hurt.

Still I am here, looking down,
just wondering what it will be like
to finally be free of this pain.

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., A Creative Writer)
"I maybe say too much about how life really is!"

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My Writing Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: I tested HIV-positive in November of 2000! And I really felt like a failure, because "I was going to get AIDS and die like all of the other fags." So, I wrote this poem as a way to try and make myself feel better by seeing this "life challenge" as an opportunity to heal!

And this poem was also published on my "Three Dark Horses" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog) as part of my new "The Oneness Of God" spiritual practice, since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message I am trying to convey through "The Oneness Of God!"

Plus, this poem was formerly published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog but, unfortunately, I accidentally deleted this poem on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog while I was doing some editing on that blog.

So, this new "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blog has been an opportunity to recreate the "Absolutely Positive, Part 3 — To Finally Be Free" post as it was originally published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog.

This poem was written in Portland, Oregon.

-Paulee

https://threedarkhorses.blogspot.com

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This "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" Post No. 074 was edited on April 20th, 2026.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]

Post No. 073: Absolutely Positive, Part 2 — Over My Dead Body

(Image from The Huffington Post)

Over My Dead Body

I’ve seen what is coming
and it terrifies me! Although,
what I fear is not my death:

It is not doing what
I came here to do—of
not being who I am.

So, I do not need a boyfriend!
I can live without romance, if
that is what I am calling forth.

What I cannot live with
is the realization of being
more, but becoming less.

Instead, I choose to call forth
All That I Am, to be everything
of which I am capable.

Do you hear me, God?
I will not die in a hospital, as
just another fucking statistic.

I will die in a forest,
or in a desert, or in a jungle,
or—better yet—on a cross.

For, I had no idea I was pushing the
experience of being a Master away
from myself. I mean, holy shit!

So, I am totally changing course.
I am doing a complete 'one-eighty'
and I am going into My God Space.

For, I will bring this new path into being.
And the only way that I will ever
give up is over my dead body!

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., A Creative Writer)
"I maybe say too much about how life really is!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------

My Writing Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: I tested HIV-positive in November of 2000! And I really felt like a failure, because "I was going to get AIDS and die like all of the other fags." So, I wrote this poem as a way to try and make myself feel better by seeing this "life challenge" as an opportunity to heal!

By the way, there used to be an "Absolutely Positive, Part 3 — To Finally Be Free," which was formerly published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog but, unfortunately, I accidentally deleted that poem while I was doing some editing on that blog!

However, that "To Finally Be Free" poem was also published on my "Three Dark Horses" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog) as part of my new "The Oneness Of God" spiritual practice, since I feel that the message in that poem applies to the message I am trying to convey through "The Oneness Of God!"

Besides that, I republished the "Absolutely Positive, Part 3 — To Finally Be Free" post on my new "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog) as it was originally published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog.

Just so you know, I revised this poem, as I often do with my writing! And I changed how this poem was written when I was editing it on my "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" and "Small All White in the Forest" blogs. So, I wanted to show you how this poem used to be written, before I revised it as above.

And it used to be written like this:

Over My Dead Body

I’ve seen what is coming
and it terrifies me! Although,
what I fear is not my death:

It is not doing what
I came here to do—of
not being who I am.

So, I do not need a boyfriend!
I can live without romance, if
that is what I am calling forth.

What I cannot live with
is the realization of being
more, but becoming less.

Instead, I choose to call forth
All That I Am, to be everything
of which I am capable.

Do you hear me, God?
I will not die in a hospital, as
just another fucking statistic.

I will die in a forest,
or in a desert, or in a jungle,
or—better yet—on a cross.

For, I had no idea I was pushing the
experience of being a Master away
from myself. I mean, holy shit!

So, I am totally changing course.
I am doing a complete 'one-eighty'
and I am going into My God Space.

For, I will bring this new path into being.
And the only way that I will ever
give up is over my dead body!

Thus, I revised this poem to be written as it is above.

And this poem was also published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message that I am trying to convey through "Small All White in the Forest."

This poem was written in Portland, Oregon.

-Paulee

https://threedarkhorses.blogspot.com

https://smallallwhiteintheforest.blogspot.com

-------------------------------------------------------------------

This "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" Post No. 073 was edited on April 20th, 2026.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]

Post No. 072: Absolutely Positive, Part 1 — (HIV) Positive

(Image from Kinsey Confidential)

Positive

That I may savor life,
let me taste of death.

So I can find the heart,
let me experience depth.

-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., A Creative Writer)
"I maybe say too much about how life really is!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------

My Writing Notes:

The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: I tested HIV-positive in November of 2000! And I really felt like a failure, because "I was going to get AIDS and die like all of the other fags." So, I wrote this poem as a way to try and make myself feel better by seeing this "life challenge" as an opportunity to heal!

By the way, there used to be an "Absolutely Positive, Part 3 — To Finally Be Free," which was formerly published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog but, unfortunately, I accidentally deleted that poem while I was doing some editing on that blog!

However, that "To Finally Be Free" poem was also published on my "Three Dark Horses" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog) as part of my new "The Oneness Of God" spiritual practice, since I feel that the message in that poem applies to the message I am trying to convey through "The Oneness Of God!"

Besides that, I republished the "Absolutely Positive, Part 3 — To Finally Be Free" post on my new "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog) as it was originally published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog.

Just so you know, I revised this poem, as I often do with my writing! And I changed how this poem was written when I was editing it on my "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" and "Small All White in the Forest" blogs. So, I wanted to show you how this poem used to be written, before I revised it as above.

And it used to be written like this:

Positive

That I may savor life,
let me taste of death.

So I can find the heart,
let me experience breadth.

Thus, I revised this poem to be written as it is above.

Plus, one more clarification: The last line of this poem was originally "grant me loss of breath." However, after George Floyd's murder, I decided to change the last line to "let me experience breadth."

And this poem was also published on my "Small All White in the Forest" blog (please see the hyperlink below for the blog), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message that I am trying to convey through "Small All White in the Forest."

This poem was written in Portland, Oregon.

-Paulee

https://threedarkhorses.blogspot.com

https://smallallwhiteintheforest.blogspot.com

-------------------------------------------------------------------

This "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" Post No. 072 was edited on April 20th, 2026.

"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]