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Grieving For The Loss
Of Who I Am Not
I cried for a reason that mystifies me!
I cried because I was comparing
myself to someone else.
And I also realized how much pain I still have
waiting to be vocalized for this very reason.
It is the same pain I have been
running from my entire life.
It is the pain that surrounded me when
I was young, in my silent desperation to
not to be found out for who I truly was—
for the fear that I would not belong...
...and for the fear that I would not fit in!
The funny thing is, I never did fit in
—even when I was trying to.
And the more I tried to fit in, the worse it
got—the more I pushed others away, because
they could feel I was acting out of fear.
And, like angry guards at the gate, they
attacked with their cruel words and their
thoughtless actions. And, thus, I ran away
from my fear and further into my pain...
...until I stopped running!
And then, it finally dawned on me that I
had been—literally—running away from
myself! I know that may sound simplistic;
but, at the time, I thought that I was running
toward what I should be, rather than
running away from what I was.
And I am realizing that is why I cried!
There is a part of me who still
grieves for not being like the others,
for knowing that I don’t belong and
for knowing that I don’t fit in...
...because I am someone entirely different!
-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., A Creative Writer)
"I maybe say too much about how life really is!"
My Writing About Comparing Yourself To Others: Do not compare yourself to how others are: instead, compare yourself to how you used to be. –Paul Whiting (written April 12th, 2016 and revised August 25th, 2022)
My Writing Notes:
The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: I wrote this poem before I moved to Portland, Oregon from Salt Lake City, Utah. And, although I do not remember the particular circumstances that inspired this poem, I do remember crying "because I was comparing myself to someone else," which is something that I do a lot!
And this poem was also published on my "Three Dark Horses" and "Small All White in the Forest" blogs (please see the hyperlinks below for the blogs), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message I am trying to convey through "Three Dark Horses" and "Small All White in the Forest." Plus, I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message I am trying to convey through my new "The Oneness Of God" spiritual practice!
This poem was written in Salt Lake City, Utah.
-Paulee
https://threedarkhorses.blogspot.com
https://smallallwhiteintheforest.blogspot.com
This "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" Post No. 053 was edited on May 6th, 2024.
"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]
